sugartalking | My Distaste For Scemo Nostalgia

So, I know the title of this entry might seem contradictory if you've looked at my profile before (I've listed 2000s as one of my interests). I like 2000s music, clothing, and yes, the scene and emo subcultures, but I've noticed something.

Despite me liking the scene and emo aesthetics since I was a child and didn't even know what emo or scene even meant yet, if we're gonna talk about the actual subculture, like, community, and also bands.. they all felt forced to me. Like, I've felt like I've forced myself to like those things, sorta from day one.. except for Paramore, I guess.

I say "sorta" from day one because there was a period of time where I loved scene and emo girls when I was in primary school, but then I had a phase in 2020 where I was obsessed with scemo aesthetics and made some new online friends who were also into that. I was 14 back in 2020. I did finally know what emo and scene meant then, and I really did enjoy the aesthetics, fashion, hair, but there was a feeling of.. distaste, since, I don't know, the first few months of me having this phase? Like it's always been there. And that feeling kept reappearing in sentences in my head like: "This subculture is only for straight people."

I know what you're thinking - No it's not, there's always been gay and lesbian emos/scene kids,

But I was reminded of the painful truth that life in the 2000s, early or late, would've been painful and not aesthetic for me. All because I'm a lesbian. You might say well being a homosexual has always been hard, and it's actually harder now with the rise of conservatism in America and all. But objectively speaking, life back then for gay people wasn't peachy. Gay marriage wasn't legal. Homophobic slurs were so much more normalized than today. Being seen as gay was one of the most embarrassing things that could happen to you. And not plenty of parents were willing to accept their children being gay, especially Asian ones. I could talk more about how people, especially White people should stop romanticizing Asian women being closeted but that's a topic for another day.

I can't imagine how it'd be like to be a lesbian in the early 2000s in an Asian country where there were only mostly straight content and there was no guarantee that there's any other lesbian or let alone a gay person at your school. And if there are some, would they be able to stand up for you if you experienced homophobia? Or would they stay in the shadows and stay "safe" being closeted?

I wonder this because I am someone who's experienced in-person lesbiphobia before. In primary school. And that was in the late 2010s. Gay marriage had been legalized in America but not in my country yet. So don't lecture me about homophobia or lesbiphobia. I know what I'm talking about, thanks.

Yeah. But back to talking about Scemo subculture. Many people nowadays say there's many gay/lesbian/queer emos in the community. It's good that they feel comfortable expressing themselves now, but the reason why that's happening is because being gay is more accepted now. Nothing related to how the scemo subculture was accepting of gays and lesbians (Most of society was not.) The most popular stuff and figureheads related to the scemo subculture have always been predominantly straight men and women. Except for a few people like that one grifter whose name starts with a J, but you know what I mean. A lesbian or a gay man would have had a tough time in the 2000s. Them being scemo would have attracted straight people calling them gay gay gay and/or fetishize them encouraging them to kiss or something.

So yeah. I've subconsciously felt.. resentment for scemo stuff for a while now. Since I was 14. I felt resentful that straight people could be loud about liking scemo stuff and wishing they could go back in time to the early or late 2000s to see all their favorite bands at Warped tour and live a true scemo life. Because I knew that I, as a lesbian, could never do that. Even if you try to romanticize running away, society back then was NOT ready for gay people at large. You know that well.

But what does a 14 year old do after having experienced real life lesbiphobia and ostracization and bullying? Try to get into things she doesn't actually want to anyways because she's starving for a loving community!

And so I did. I did try. I tried very hard to get into Panic at the Disco, but trust, if someone is an actual lesbian, no amount of forcing, even self-inflicted forcing, will make it work / make the lesbian straight. Even if there is a big community waiting for them, it will never be as fulfilling as them finding lesbian media she would actually like.

I tried getting into MCR, and failed, too, but they actually have some pretty good relatable songs. I did not relate to the gay male shipping stuff people in the community did, though.

But Paramore resonated with me. Because I became enamored with the band's stunning and talented frontwoman, Hayley Williams (˶˃ ᗜ ˂˶) but also many of their songs, especially the ones from their album called After Laughter really resonated with me at the time in 2020. Depressing lyrics but very happy instrumentals. So atleast something good came out of all this.

Now. Do I hate straight people? No. In fact, I actually get very frustrated when I see lesbians online especially on Twitter express so much unnecessary hatred towards innocuous straight people and straight characters/ships. I could also write about that another day. And Hayley Williams and many other celebrities I like are straight. So are some of my closest friends. And a big chunk of my interests can be considered straight too, like watching Big Brother, there are mainly straight competitors and watchers there. But I just wanted to explore why I've felt distaste for the scemo subculture today. I know straight people don't have to accommodate to me.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Have you ever felt anything similar towards a subculture or a certain fandom? Or were you already alive and aware of the scemo subculture in the early/late 2000s and have any interesting anecdotes to share?

I'll have to work on a project for uni now. See you in my next entry.

-Daphne 𖹭